When I was little “I did not give you a spirit of fear” stuck with me more than anything. I was very much shaped by that idea.
Ephesians 6 is a fascinating verse (principalities, dominions, etc being the powers we battle against). Nowadays we call that “culture,” or “the zeitgeist.” Subtle or invisible bodies of influence. It’s been a topic I’ve been obsessed with for a few years now. Also, the “Body of Christ” is the invisible/subtle body (as a collective) that wars against the others on that principality level.
I do think scripture presents spiritual darkness as something larger than isolated individual evil. In Daniel, the “prince of persia” is almost like a spiritual force moving through an empire itself, influencing power, conflict, resistance, and the atmosphere surrounding it. I think its also mentioned of Greece too. That idea has always fascinated me because it suggests darkness can move collectively through cultures, systems, fears, desires, ideologies, and environments in ways we I don't think we can fully understand.
After enough time, fear, obsession, outrage, vanity, despair, and confusion begin feeding one another and its like this dark consuming cloud like thing of darkness.
Girl, this was so powerful. I need to meditate on THIS some more. The heart is a wellspring of life - I come back to that concept often. A wellspring can be so easily polluted. Thanks for sharing this.
So well said. I love the way you defined fear in part by expecting the darkness and even feeling that it is more palpable/real than the light. I think one of the problems with living in fear is that (for the Christian) it is truly living in delusion. It’s simply not reality, when Christ is reality. And there is nothing more true than the fact that Christ is Lord over all, He defeated death + hell + the grave and the victory is already won. And I think when we constantly saturate our minds with content that is not aligned with this truth, it is so easy to stumble into fallacies. It’s like training your mind to live a lie despite knowing the truth intellectually. When I act out of fear I become so aware that my faith is nowhere to be seen. And it’s because I can’t hold the belief that Christ is King over all & hold the beliefs that align with doom + despair. I have to believe one and not the other, so I have to make a choice! And part of that choice means clearing out content or media that threatens to pull us back into fear. All that to say, I couldn’t agree more! Thank you for writing this🤍
To me it boils down to relationship. I can’t drink alcohol (or do any drugs for that matter), to me it may as well be the devil. But many can enjoy a glass of wine or a couple of drinks and it doesn’t cause them any grief at all. I had to get rid of X for the same reason. And I do think a lot of these platforms do thrive off of hatred, fear, etc. and yes it’s important to recognize how something makes you *feel*, deep down you know if it’s bad for your spirit. And I think it’s important to heed that, God is always giving us guidance, but we don’t always want to listen! And sometimes there’s a wisdom that comes with touching the stove a few times. As for not feeling the church, it’s funny, I go to Catholic Mass despite having no plans or desire to to formally convert because every time I go it’s like I experience insane synchronicities that show me I *should* be going, and also knowing it would be dishonest for me to convert. God keeps me in the in-between spaces. My theory is that it’s because it makes me accessible to everyone that may need me. So I’m where I’m supposed to be. Besides, AA is my true church anyway. Haha.
I think St. Augustine said this once, and I couldn’t agree more,
“Not everyone that God has, does the church have, and not everyone that the church has, does God have.”
I agree. I think discernment looks different for everyone because we are all at different places in our spiritual growth and carrying different struggles and experiences.
And honestly, even though I have never been to AA myself, I can completely understand why it feels more communal than many churches. Smaller spaces where people are openly honest with each other create a very different kind of connection.
“We sometimes treat endless access as freedom, but we were never designed to absorb infinite amounts of outrage, catastrophe, paranoia, stimulation, comparison, and emotional intensity every waking hour of our lives. I think the soul eventually fractures beneath the weight because we were created for communion, rest, wisdom, prayer, attention, and peace, yet we are being pulled away from those things all the time.”
I appreciate what you said about faith culture. I find, too, that it very much is a culture. So much so that in today's world, it can be hard to untangle from faith, religion and spirituality. The parts of those we choose to focus on or ignore I believe contemporary Christian culture defines for us much more than belief itself. The same aspects get talked about in the news, online and among church communities whereas the same neglected aspects are no longer discussed.
(For what it's worth, what has helped me is going backward, looking at how we used to live out our faith. I'm an outlier I realize, but I find that more compatible with myself than modern attitudes.)
I truly understand what you mean. I think deep down many of us are searching for genuine communion, honesty, and spiritual depth, and honestly it feels harder and harder to find sometimes. Since we moved, we really have not found much of a community yet, and I do still crave that. But I am also very thankful for my husband and daughter because they keep reminding me that real spiritual life often begins in the small, daily relationships closest to us first.
Technology made not be neither evil nor heavenly, but it is not neutral either. And all social media, including this platform, has a method of pushing you towards something you may or not want to be pushed towards.
But yeah, on the church I feel the exact same way. I'd recommend to you Tolstoy's The Kingdom of God is Within you -- I think you might find it interesting.
I think of it almost like a portal. Technology itself isn’t inherently evil but it does create environments that shape whatever passes through them. The longer we remain inside certain spaces, the more those spaces begin shaping us in return.
A portal can connect you to beauty, truth, wisdom, and genuine communion, but it can also immerse you in outrage, vanity, paranoia, and fragmentation if you stay too long.
Very good essay. I cut out tik tok all together a couple years ago. It was too negative, the fact that people were literally hunting others down doxxing, harassing, gang stalking once I realised how dangerous it could be, I walked away. Thanks again for the great read 🙂
It takes a considerable amount of maturity to observe how one thing (in this case, TikTok) can both be helpful and harmful at different times in your life. I love your voice, my friend. This was so good.
When I was little “I did not give you a spirit of fear” stuck with me more than anything. I was very much shaped by that idea.
Ephesians 6 is a fascinating verse (principalities, dominions, etc being the powers we battle against). Nowadays we call that “culture,” or “the zeitgeist.” Subtle or invisible bodies of influence. It’s been a topic I’ve been obsessed with for a few years now. Also, the “Body of Christ” is the invisible/subtle body (as a collective) that wars against the others on that principality level.
I do think scripture presents spiritual darkness as something larger than isolated individual evil. In Daniel, the “prince of persia” is almost like a spiritual force moving through an empire itself, influencing power, conflict, resistance, and the atmosphere surrounding it. I think its also mentioned of Greece too. That idea has always fascinated me because it suggests darkness can move collectively through cultures, systems, fears, desires, ideologies, and environments in ways we I don't think we can fully understand.
After enough time, fear, obsession, outrage, vanity, despair, and confusion begin feeding one another and its like this dark consuming cloud like thing of darkness.
your work is one of the only windows I have into god.
Girl, this was so powerful. I need to meditate on THIS some more. The heart is a wellspring of life - I come back to that concept often. A wellspring can be so easily polluted. Thanks for sharing this.
thank you so much, Grace.
Thank for sharing your way back to communion with Christ.
So well said. I love the way you defined fear in part by expecting the darkness and even feeling that it is more palpable/real than the light. I think one of the problems with living in fear is that (for the Christian) it is truly living in delusion. It’s simply not reality, when Christ is reality. And there is nothing more true than the fact that Christ is Lord over all, He defeated death + hell + the grave and the victory is already won. And I think when we constantly saturate our minds with content that is not aligned with this truth, it is so easy to stumble into fallacies. It’s like training your mind to live a lie despite knowing the truth intellectually. When I act out of fear I become so aware that my faith is nowhere to be seen. And it’s because I can’t hold the belief that Christ is King over all & hold the beliefs that align with doom + despair. I have to believe one and not the other, so I have to make a choice! And part of that choice means clearing out content or media that threatens to pull us back into fear. All that to say, I couldn’t agree more! Thank you for writing this🤍
Okay! Back with comments.
To me it boils down to relationship. I can’t drink alcohol (or do any drugs for that matter), to me it may as well be the devil. But many can enjoy a glass of wine or a couple of drinks and it doesn’t cause them any grief at all. I had to get rid of X for the same reason. And I do think a lot of these platforms do thrive off of hatred, fear, etc. and yes it’s important to recognize how something makes you *feel*, deep down you know if it’s bad for your spirit. And I think it’s important to heed that, God is always giving us guidance, but we don’t always want to listen! And sometimes there’s a wisdom that comes with touching the stove a few times. As for not feeling the church, it’s funny, I go to Catholic Mass despite having no plans or desire to to formally convert because every time I go it’s like I experience insane synchronicities that show me I *should* be going, and also knowing it would be dishonest for me to convert. God keeps me in the in-between spaces. My theory is that it’s because it makes me accessible to everyone that may need me. So I’m where I’m supposed to be. Besides, AA is my true church anyway. Haha.
I think St. Augustine said this once, and I couldn’t agree more,
“Not everyone that God has, does the church have, and not everyone that the church has, does God have.”
I agree. I think discernment looks different for everyone because we are all at different places in our spiritual growth and carrying different struggles and experiences.
And honestly, even though I have never been to AA myself, I can completely understand why it feels more communal than many churches. Smaller spaces where people are openly honest with each other create a very different kind of connection.
“We sometimes treat endless access as freedom, but we were never designed to absorb infinite amounts of outrage, catastrophe, paranoia, stimulation, comparison, and emotional intensity every waking hour of our lives. I think the soul eventually fractures beneath the weight because we were created for communion, rest, wisdom, prayer, attention, and peace, yet we are being pulled away from those things all the time.”
Bingo!
I appreciate what you said about faith culture. I find, too, that it very much is a culture. So much so that in today's world, it can be hard to untangle from faith, religion and spirituality. The parts of those we choose to focus on or ignore I believe contemporary Christian culture defines for us much more than belief itself. The same aspects get talked about in the news, online and among church communities whereas the same neglected aspects are no longer discussed.
(For what it's worth, what has helped me is going backward, looking at how we used to live out our faith. I'm an outlier I realize, but I find that more compatible with myself than modern attitudes.)
I truly understand what you mean. I think deep down many of us are searching for genuine communion, honesty, and spiritual depth, and honestly it feels harder and harder to find sometimes. Since we moved, we really have not found much of a community yet, and I do still crave that. But I am also very thankful for my husband and daughter because they keep reminding me that real spiritual life often begins in the small, daily relationships closest to us first.
Technology made not be neither evil nor heavenly, but it is not neutral either. And all social media, including this platform, has a method of pushing you towards something you may or not want to be pushed towards.
But yeah, on the church I feel the exact same way. I'd recommend to you Tolstoy's The Kingdom of God is Within you -- I think you might find it interesting.
I think of it almost like a portal. Technology itself isn’t inherently evil but it does create environments that shape whatever passes through them. The longer we remain inside certain spaces, the more those spaces begin shaping us in return.
A portal can connect you to beauty, truth, wisdom, and genuine communion, but it can also immerse you in outrage, vanity, paranoia, and fragmentation if you stay too long.
A beautiful and introspective piece, Mandy. This offers so much insight to followers of Jesus in this gnarly world. Blessings, dear one.
Thank you Henry.
Very good essay. I cut out tik tok all together a couple years ago. It was too negative, the fact that people were literally hunting others down doxxing, harassing, gang stalking once I realised how dangerous it could be, I walked away. Thanks again for the great read 🙂
Thank you.
Mandy!
I haven't downloaded TikTok because I know I would get addicted ASAP. I liked your description on shifts of perspective.
Hope all is well with you and da fam!
It takes a considerable amount of maturity to observe how one thing (in this case, TikTok) can both be helpful and harmful at different times in your life. I love your voice, my friend. This was so good.
Amen to all that x10